Wheels of Time
by Nomen Ist Omen
Summary: Time does not stand still. Kaoru knows that, but it is hard to accept


**Wheels of Time **

Summary: Time does not stand still. Kaoru knows that, but it is hard to accept

Notes

Very obscure and abstract piece of work; written during one of my stranger moods (blame Faulkner and Albert Camus for that).Yet more loyal to my writing style than anything else I have produced recently. In all honesty, I have developed a hearty dislike for my former OHC (and other) stories...As it is, this might the last piece I ever write for the fandom. Anyway, ranting aside, feel free to kill me for writing this.

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_Seconds turn to minutes, each tick indicating the twist of the machine inside. Time, that invisible foundation of humanity, nestles like an evergreen around the darkening walls of a haunted castle. Slowly slithering towards its destination, whether it is a bottomless pit or something else altogether. One can never know. _

Why did it take that agonizingly long for the clock to strike one? Time truly flowed like a river, passing little crevices and holes that could be found in the pebbles that lay scattered in the gentle abyss of a riverbed; it travelled slowly, traversing its path like an invisible paintbrush along the unblemished surface of a canvas. Somewhere, at the oddest of paths, it—time—stood still and did not dare to venture forward until the opportunity for it to spring forth arrived; it waited for the right opportunity, the singularly perfect moment, to arrive.

Often it took years for that perfect moment to burst forth, ruining that security that one cherishes immensely. Yet, Time or Fate perhaps, did not hesitate and nor possess the patience to observe the withering decay of leaves, subsiding emotions or the perdition of life. Repeatedly, it occurred that the world did not cease to spin nor the birds stop singing when the cruelty of war, revolution or homicide wiped out thousands of innocent lives. On the contrary, the world often remained misleadingly quiescent in the aftermath of exploitation, bloodshed and homicide.

Therefore, it has to noted, that beautiful things often harbour ugly meanings; nothing comes without a price; the world is built upon lies.

_Time does not cease to be; it moves ever so languidly, but its motions create havoc and disrupt the familiar. Familiarity like the one we share at the Host Club, where nothing ever seems to change and we are like one big family. Still, it will not last forever._

Kaoru knew that fully well, it was like a ferocious mantra in his head which haunted his thoughts in the most importunate of moments. For instance, instead of focusing on his lessons, he felt his thoughts leave the scenery of equations and geometrical patterns, only to be replaced by the turbulent whirl of fog that was his life, his existence. He pondered over the sweeping changes that had taken place and his inability to fight against the moody nature of Fate's. At times, he wondered why he did not possess the nonchalance to ignore the burden of all that and be as unconcerned as Hikaru was. Of course, this did not mean that his brother did not feel insecurity or fear, but he did not have the tendency to pause and reflect on the events that had taken place. In other words, he remained blissfully ignorant.

Thusly, it never struck him as odd that leaves withered during autumn or life itself seemed to be such a mixture of up and downs; he never reflected upon these things. On the contrary, he took them for granted and only clung to momentary illusions that were as gay and beautiful as the orange-red sunset depicted upon an impressionistic painting. Nothing but deceiving wonders that assured security whilst death itself had long since taken possession of it.

Afternoon upon afternoon, Kaoru spent hours a-staring at the glamour of the illuminated sky, rendered yellowish-purple by the neon lamps of the busy streets. Despite living on a relatively quiet corner in Tokyo, there was a frightening number, nearly oppressively so, of businessman wandering to and fro, in search of something they had never obtained. Mayhap, it was freedom, passion or the slightest tingle of excitement—anything that promised an escape from a monotonous existence. Foolish all that seemed to Kaoru, who would have sold his soul to the devil himself, if it meant that things were not to be altered.

_Things will change; there is nothing one can do. Only stand proud and not be assailed by the wicked emotions that are fear, disbelief and anger. However, humankind is a weak and fickle creation that cannot even remain faultless in this situation. Humans are like stubborn children, unable to understand the meaning of all this. Please, be different Kaoru._

_Moreover, changes are like a frostbite that slowly creeps under your skin and sends malicious jolts of pain therein. You can shout, stamp your feet on the floor and even curse the Almighty himself, but that would not change anything. Yes, Kaoru, the magic is losing its touch and everything that you hold dear to you heart is going adrift. Away, away it goes._

Everything was collapsing, falling to dust before his very own eyes: his entire world was dying and Kaoru did not know what to do. Despite the fact, that he tried to submit himself to that malignant chaos, he found himself unable to fully surrender. It was so dimly dark and lugubrious, he nearly suffocated from the coarse, rough hands that destroyed everything familiar. Consequently, he remained idle and waited. Although, Kaoru did not know what he waited for, he lingered. Not unlike a ghost, he haunted the hollow spots of what had once been a blossoming garden and _waited_.

Inwardly, Kaoru feared so much and wanted to be just as irrational as everyone else was. Or better yet, he wanted to be oblivious and lead a life as quietly as a fly which only cared about sinking its abnormally long feelers into a sticky mass of honey. Ignorance, after all, was the key to happiness. However, he was too conscientious and sensitive to remain impassive or even remotely uncaring, for Kaoru was the sort of person who cared about everything.

Everything, indeed.

_There is nothing one can do, other than dully stare at the abyss, waiting for that inevitable fall that cannot be—shall not—be forestalled. Soon you shall fall yourself, even though the ground underneath your feet is still solid. However, this is only a momentary illusion, for it shall break._

The door stood wide ajar, and he could either follow or remain in the shadows forever; yet lingering would have made him a coward—even if it was the most welcome alternative. However, Hikaru seemed so intent to follow that path, the path to freedom or something akin to that solemn word, that Kaoru knew that resistance was futile. Sooner or later, he could not hinder his brother from wanting to grow up, even if it meant that things would change dramatically. He feared the outcome, for it was unpredictable, very much so.

Yet, despite his brother all too keen and reassuring promises, Kaoru knew that Hikaru would not keep them: he could not. He would not be able to satiate his curiosity about the world – that other world. A colourful world, both daunting and forbidden: a place that promised a multitude of dangerous, unfulfilling pleasures. Kaoru, however, would have stay alone and that thought itself frightened him. He could not accept...

_Do not be hypocrite, Kaoru. You know that you want it. Stop fooling around and embrace the future, even if it casts an ominous shadow on the things to be. What will, what should, happen shall not be impeded…Neither by you or any other mortal creature. So, please for your and his sake, stop hesitating. _

Even if he wanted to disrupt any notion of admitting it, Kaoru was on the verge of change himself. As much as he hated that traitorous part of himself, Kaoru could not feign to ignore the modifications any longer; he was going to have to plunge into the darkness, whether he wanted to or not. After all, the world kept turning and standing still oneself did not keep it from continuing to do so.

_Do not be selfish. Think about your brother and the other people, whom you shall interact with in the near future. You cannot isolate yourself from the world forever; each person forms an important unit which serves a purpose. So, fulfill your destiny and be of use._

Surrounding him were the inner voices that bellowing, reprimanded him for waiting and slowly, but surely, urged him to move on. Change, after all, was inevitable. Like a brave soldier, he had to acquiesce and obey these orders; he had no other choice. Life was not fair; it did not care for his conflicting emotions or the dread he felt whenever something inexplicable happened. Instead, something always seemed to guard, oppress him and force him to take another step. Another step that led to certain destruction. At least, Kaoru believed that it was such; one could not blame him for that.

_Just take these steps. You will have do it sooner or later. _

And who was he, a mere child, to defy future?

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End file.
